Self confidence: plummeted to a new all time low that doesn't even register on any known scale
Units of alcohol: lost count, and I'm not sure half a litre of Bailey's counts anyway as it's diluted with cream
Chocolate oranges: five and counting, but they are almost a fruit.....
Dress size: 8, yeah right, who am I trying to kid after stuffing my face like hog
Cigarettes: None, but I am definitely taking it up in the new year due to my escalating stress levels
So we're nearly at the end of another year, time to contemplate making those New Year's resolutions, whilst conveniently forgetting all the ones that weren't adhered to last time around. Despite forcing myself to sit through numerous episodes of The Apprentice I am still battling with chronic nice-ness syndrome and it's still ruining my life. Quite frankly someone could still stamp on my toe and I'd politely thank them for it, before offering them a cup of tea. Disappointingly I am still not ruthless, self centred or egotistical, nor do I have any of the financial success which seems to go hand in hand with these attributes. I'm wondering now if I just need to face the fact I'm not cut out to be a super bitch, maybe my role in life is to just be "the nice one" who hands around the tea and biscuits in any sort of crisis.
I'm also rapidly coming to the conclusion that the only other route to ensure success in life is to be a vapid perma-tanned blonde, with fake boobs and the IQ of a Post-It note. Thank you very much Santa for the massive body insecurity issues and lack of self confidence, it really is the gift that keeps on giving all year round. These blonde cuties never seem to be short of much in life, and lack of personality rarely seems to stand in their way when it comes to getting what they want. Don't believe anyone who says "real beauty comes from inside", it's all bollocks and designed to distract you from the fact 98% of people are only concerned with the external wrapping. It just seems so unfair, I've got naturally blonde hair and no-one's ever really fawned over me when I wear high heels. Maybe it's due to the fact I look like I'm about to imminently topple over A la leaning tower of Pisa! *sigh* maybe life is trying to tell me to stick to wellies in future!
So I'm still contemplating my New Year's resolutions. Obviously ruthlessness is out of the window, as are fake boobs because I'd never be able to pick up bales of hay with those things in the way. Or manhandle a squiggly sheep for shearing come to think of it. Maybe I should resolve to like myself just the way I am; shy, quirky, crap in the mornings, thoughtful, emotional, and all the other things that come with the full Emma experience that possibly 99.9% of people will never actually get to see.
1 comments:
Sorry you're feeling down. :( I have been lately too.
Just remember that 99% of people are just as self conscious as you are (including myself!). I said something stupid the other day to a customer at work and agonized over it all day. I hate saying stupid things because you can't take it back. I just have to remind myself most people are so self-absorbed they won't remember what I said anyway. And please don't anyone be offended. I can be self-absorbed too!
I've been thinking of the New Years resolutions too and I had an idea. I'm going to apply the clicker mentality to myself. Instead of picking things I can't do or habits I want to quit, I'm going to make goals I want to achieve! That way I'm focusing on making progress and being happy instead of obsessing over bad habits and things I don't like about myself, etc. Sound good? I'm hoping it will work out better than my previous New Years resolutions. Good luck and cheer up. I love you just the way you are!! Oh and please don't take up smoking cigarettes (I know it was a joke). Those are evil!
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